On tea bags, time, and running away to join the circus

I forgot to buy tea bags.

I could have bought tea bags at any number of points throughout the day. I knew when I went to bed last night that I was using the last one. But I forgot. And now, bedtime is looming without my usual cup of cranberry herbal tea.

This bugs me, just a little.

On the other hand, it bugs me a lot that the lack of my favourite bedtime beverage bugs me at all.

If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you know that I talk a lot about how much I value change. So much so, that the word change looms largest in my cloud of most frequently used tags. So I admit to feeling considerable irritation at being forced to face the uncomfortable fact that I am a total creature of habit.

And now this small thing– this lack of a tea bag– has me reflecting on all the other too-comfortable habits on which I rely. My far-from-adventurous diet. My homogeneous wardrobe. My evenings spent in pretty mundane activities. My holidays spent at the same family vacation spot every summer.

Do I really love change as much as I say I do? Or am I just a great pretender?

Am I a creature of habit because I’ve reached the stage in life where I know myself and what I want, or because I’ve settled into a nice, safe rut. This question is causing me a great deal more consternation than my lack of cranberry tea.

Deep down, the changes that I crave the most are big changes. Quitting-your-job-and-running-away-to-join-the-circus changes. Dramatic changes to how I live and how I make a living. Substantial changes to the way I spend my time and the people I spend it with. But they aren’t the kind of changes that just happen. They need building, step by tedious step. Perhaps I need to run out of tea bags more often to jolt myself out of my cozy patterns into taking actual steps toward the big dreams.

Sometimes I fear that it’s too late for big changes. I worry that I’ve reached the age where I should be happy just to settle in and appreciate my comfortable habits and my nightly cup of tea. But then I see other people, older than me, courageously strike out in new directions– new businesses, new relationships, new homes in new cities. And I have to believe that there’s still time for a grand adventure.

With or without cranberry tea.




13 thoughts on “On tea bags, time, and running away to join the circus

  1. Do you have any coffee?

    ‘Cause it’s way better than tea.

    Though I suppose it’s not exactly a “before bed beverage,” is it?

    I was wondering when that was going to get around to relating to the “Pretender” topic. But it got there.

    How DO you make your living?

    ‘Cause I own a circus, and I’d welcome you aboard. The pay’s not great, but we have plenty of tea.


    1. I have coffee. Decaf even, which would technically be ok before bed. But coffee makes me think “day” not “night.” Go figure.

      I make my living in a very nice, secure government job. It only occasionally resembles a circus 🙂

  2. Pingback: Here I Come | Views Splash!

  3. lenoreswan

    What kind of tea would you choose if you chose to change tea? Wow Anna! This teabag dilemma could precipitate a profound life change.  Hugs

    Sent from Samsung tablet

  4. Really enjoyed this post MRM as it resonated with my own weird relationship with routine and change. My autistic son copes pretty well with massive change and actually enjoys it – going off and doing something strange, like joining a circus, would be fine. But small changes to routine are out of the question; if it’s cranberry tea before bed then that’s what it must be. This may sound like a contradiction but somehow we juggle cranberry tea and circuses 🙂

  5. Pingback: Daily Prompt: The Great Pretender | Nola Roots, Texas Heart

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